The best thing about Courfeyrac is that he will love you in the way YOU want and need to be loved
life hack: become a bird. just become a bird. become a cute little fluffy bird and fly very fast from situations you find scary and uncomfortable
lock and load - p.b.
i wanna know 100% what is going on in the ocean
(a visit to dr. L - 10)
Despite the controlled expression on Dr. Lorana’s face, there is no doubt in your mind that if your aunt and uncle were to walk through the door right now, she would not hesitate a second to dock both of them square in the jaw. She’s tapping her pencil against her pad of paper, an aggressive action that she usually manages to control whenever you talk about things, and has been since you started talking about them.
About how you had found the door locks changed on you, and how they had never fed you or clothed you or had said a single nice thing to you your entire stay, and oh, also, that they had you sleep in the laundry room despite owning a separate guest bedroom (she almost broke the pencil at that one you could’ve sworn) and despite having apparently received a good chunk of change every month from your father in child support, had done literally nothing to support you. You were worried that you were going to cry again while telling her the details, but it’s perhaps just a little bit easier this time around, or perhaps you’ve finally managed to exhaust yourself out of tears and hysterics. You supposed that was a small miracle.
Now, though, you’re just tired. You find yourself missing the bed from earlier, missing feeling warm and safe for once in your life… and maybe, even though a part of the deep well of guilt you feel inside of you flares up ugly at the thought, maybe you miss Joachim’s arms around you protectively, too. You weren’t entirely sure what your feelings were for your tutor-turned-guardian-of-sorts yet; it wasn’t the same sort of internal safety that you recalled having felt in your matrimonial future, far from it. It was closer to what you felt for Lorana, a sort of external safety, one where you felt safe to feel awful inside without having to be on guard constantly…
Bah, there was no point in worrying over it now. You’re almost certain that you’ll end up discussing it ad nauseum with your doctor later.
You’ve fallen silent for a bit, and you realize that Lorana is softly calling your name, concern harsh on her face in light of your recent revelations; it’s odd, to think that to her it’s all new information, but to you it was just something you had been dealing with for months now. Years, almost. You try to give her a small smile, but it doesn’t quite reach the corners of your mouth, and you looks away. “I-i, uhm,” you mumble quietly, too tired to raise your voice much anymore. “C-can we… can we d-discuss this l-later, p-please? I, uhm… I d-don’t think I’m up f-for it.”
That seems to be the key words, and Dr. L sits back in her chair, letting out a quiet sigh herself before smiling at you. “Alright, LQ. I want you to try to write a bit on it for me, though, okay? …er, you still have your notebook, right?”
You nod. You wouldn’t be sitting here if you didn’t.
"Alright, good." She puts her notepad back on her desk, flipping it over so you wouldn’t be able to read the content, not that you would want to. "Now, I understand that you’ve been staying at Mr. Kitowski’s apartment for the past few days, right? But we need to work on finding you a more permanent place of residence. Now, see… I’ve got a listing here of various shelters and homes in the area, and at least one of them would probably take you in. But before we look at those, I want to propose another idea to you, okay, LQ?"
Your heart sinks a bit at the idea of living in a shelter - it’d afford you even less privacy than you’d have at Mr. J’s, and it didn’t sound permanent at all- but you nodded at Lorana to continue, hoping that whatever else she had in store was slightly less miserable. She looked a little nervous herself, you thought absently, but also a bit excited; whatever her idea was, it looked like she was pretty eager to share it.
Dr. Lorana leaned forward a bit, folding her hands in her lap. “Now, I don’t want to seem like I’m imposing at all here, okay, LQ? But, well, er. A few months ago, my… my roommate moved out of my apartment, and I’ve kind of been looking for someone else to move in to their old room. It’s a pretty decently sized space, though, although I’m just using it for storage now, and it’s not that far from the high school, I think kind of equal distance from it and here?”
You blink. Was she really…?
She continues on, looking off to the side a bit. “I mean, eventually you’d have to pay rent, but it’s not that bad at all- I mean, I’m paying for it myself right now- and I mean, you obviously, I wouldn’t make you pay anything for a while, I’m not gonna drain your funds or anything-“
She was. Holy shit. You stared at her for a second as she prattled on, and you have to call her name twice before she stops her rambling, grinning at you widely. “A-ah, sorry! So, what do you say…? Keep in mind, that if you move in you’ve gotta keep going to school too, Lowan, but I’ll be around to help you a bit too. I want to see you succeed - both me and Mr. Kitowski want to see you succeed, Lowan. Even if you don’t feel like it at times, you’re a really tough kid, you know? And we want to help you. What do you say?”
You don’t say anything, but you don’t hesitate at all this time, in reaching over to hug her.